Two Viking-Zen teachers, Yurgi and Sven, were invited to visit a thane. Upon arriving, Yurgi said to the thane: "You are unwise by nature and have an inborn ability to learn nothing."
"Nonsense," said Sven. "Why do you flatter this blockhead? He may be a thane, but he doesn't know anything of Viking-Zen."
So, instead of building a stave church for Sven, the thane built it for Yurgi and studied Zen with him. That is, until Sven came over and burned down that stave church.
Flower Shower
Yurgi was Buddhasen's disciple. He was able to understand the potency of emptiness, the viewpoint that nothing exists except in its relationship of blood and sheep.
One day Yurgi, in a mood of sublime emptiness, actually because his flagon was empty, was pissing under a tree. Flowers began to fall about him, but Yurgi was blitzed out of his gourd.
"We are praising you for your discourse on emptiness," the gods whispered to him.
"But I haven’t said shit," said Yurgi.
"You have not spoken of emptiness, we have not heard emptiness," responded the gods. "This is the true emptiness." And blossoms showered upon Yurgi as rain.
Yurgi spoke true wisdom then, “You god’s are just a bunch of fucked-up losers.” And he went and destroyed each and every god.
What is the sound of one village burning?
If you rape a Saxon wench in the forest, does she make any noise?
Time to Die
Ingvar, the Viking Zen master, was very clever even as a boy. His teacher had a precious drinking horn, a rare antique. Ingvar happened to break this horn after filling it up with mead three times and emptying it and was greatly smashed. Hearing the footsteps of his teacher, he held the pieces of the horn behind him. When the master appeared, Ingvar asked: "Why do people have to die?"
"This is natural," explained the older man. "Everything has to die and has just so long to live."
Ingvar, producing the shattered cup, added: "It was time for your cup to die." The teacher smiled, and went to punish Ingvar. Ingvar then shoved the shard of horn through his teacher’s nose and into his brain. “And, evidently, it was time for you to die also.”
Sour Stew
The cook Diarf, at Bersi's great hall, decided that he would take good care of his old teacher's health and give him only fresh stew, a brown liquid which is made up of boiled lamb bones, beans, peas, carrots and turnips. Bersi, noticing that he was being served better stew than his men, asked: "Who is the cook today?"
Diarf was sent before him. Bersi learned that according to his age and position he should eat only fresh stew. So he said to the cook: "Then you think I shouldn't eat at all." With this he entered his room and locked the door.
Diarf, sitting outside the door, asked his teacher's pardon. Bersi would not answer. For seven days Diarf sat outside and Bersi within.
Finally in desperation an adherent called loudly to Bersi: "You may be all right, old teacher, but this young disciple here has to eat. He cannot go without food forever!"
At that Bersi opened the door. He was smiling. He told Diarf: "I insist on eating the same food as the least of my followers. When you become the teacher I do not want you to forget this."
Buddhasen's Zen
Buddhasen said: "I consider the positions of thanes and rulers as that of dust motes. I observe treasures of gold and gems as so many bricks and pebbles. I look upon the finest linen tunics as tattered rags. I see myriad worlds of the universe as small seeds of fruit, and the greatest lake in Denmark as a drop of oil on my foot. I perceive the teachings of the world to be the illusion of magicians. I discern the highest conception of emancipation as a golden brocade in a dream, and view the holy path of the illuminated ones as flowers appearing in one's eyes. I see meditation as a pillar of a mountain, Nithgaard as a nightmare of daytime. I look upon the judgment of right and wrong as the serpentine dance of Jormangund, and the rise and fall of beliefs as but traces left by the four seasons."
Veleif's Zen
Veleif began the study of Viking Zen when he was sixty years old and continued until he was eighty, when he realized Viking Zen.
He taught from the age of eighty until he was one hundred and twenty.
A student once asked him: "If I haven't anything in my mind, what shall I do?"
Veleif replied: "Throw it out."
"But if I haven't anything, how can I throw it out?" continued the questioner.
"Well," said Veleif, "then die!" and he stabbed the student through his right eye and into his brain.
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